intelligence

I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's one called brightness, but it doesn't work.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some people abuse the privilege.

There are no stupid questions, however there are alot of inquisitive idiots.

Woo-hoo! I'm a college man! I won't need my high school diploma any more! [sets fire to it and starts singing] I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T! I mean, S-M-A-R-T...

Homer: You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart: Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer: I like stories.

Brain: It must be inordinately taxing to be such a boob.
Pinky: You have no idea.

Pinky, you've left the lens cap of your mind on again.

Imagination is more important than knowledge.